


Ice Road

by UndeadFae



Category: Inazuma Eleven
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Not Beta Read, hakuren - Freeform, the hakuren soccer club is good and supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 10:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19130257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndeadFae/pseuds/UndeadFae
Summary: It's the start of the school year at the Hakuren junior high. Fubuki was fairly convinced that joining the soccer club after not playing for so long was a bad idea. It turns out to be better than anything he could hope for.Or: the Hakuren soccer club befriends a shy kid and help him along the way.





	Ice Road

**Author's Note:**

> I love how supportive Hakuren is with Fubuki? So here we go that spawned this monster

Staring at the school in front of him like it had personally threatened him, Fubuki took a deep breath, grip on the scarf tightening.

First day of school, and he wanted to run away before even starting.

It wasn't his grades or knowledge to scare him, he had studied very hard to make sure his level would be good enough and the orphanage ensured his education wouldn't suffer or hinder him, but there was only so much that could be achieved by being home schooled. Retreating into himself and hiding from the world wasn't an option.

He didn't want to admit it, but there was no denying how much the other students unnerved him. There was no telling how they'd react if they found out about his... condition. He wasn't too keen on finding out either.

He could fight bears, play any winter sport near flawlessly and switch from defender to forward with the same ease he could breathe. Walking into school after missing nearly a year and acting like nothing wrong happened, however?

"Come on, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and walk in!"

And of course Atsuya was already getting impatient.

"Please, can you be quiet for now? I don't need anyone thinking I'm talking to myself or zoning out this early into the school year." There was a snort, and Fubuki could already feel his patience withering.

"I don't see why you're so scared, you know already that if anyone tries to give you shit I'll just kick their sorry ass into next week." Not like the idea of getting into trouble for a fight made him feel any better.

"I'm not... you know what, never mind..." He was wise enough to recognize a lost fight after all the time he's spent with Atsuya, bickering would get him nowhere.

"Oh, by the way, you're gonna be late." Fubuki grimaced, knowing it was useless to delay the inevitable. With a tired sigh, he steeled himself and crossed the gate with slow, almost robotic steps. It was going to be a long, exhausting day, he could already tell that much.

* * *

 

Hakuren had a soccer club. Small and weak, with far too few players to hold its own against other schools or even play properly, but it was a soccer club. It took Fubuki about a week into the school year to finally gather the courage to look around -only out of curiosity, he told himself- and find out.

His first instinct was to ask how to join. Then, on second thought, he decided it was better to just walk away as fast as his legs could carry him. That was what he did.

"Hey! Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

"I'm not going to join that club." Or any other sports club, for that matter.

"What- Are you crazy?!" The temptation to give him a sarcastic remark was strong. He barely resisted. "Come on, why not?"

He didn't need to answer, they both knew very well why he refused so strongly, pushing back the memories threatening to drag him down. Suddenly, his grip on the scarf was so tight his knuckles turned white. Neither of them commented on the way his hands were shaking ever so slightly. The soft sigh caught his attention, and Fubuki forced himself to remember how to breathe.

"At least give it a try before giving up, we trained too hard to just quit like that!"

"If I say I'll think about it will you shut up?"

"No."

"It was worth a try at least..."

* * *

 

In the end, Atsuya had pestered him enough to convince him to go back, if anything to at least salvage whatever scrap of sanity he had left. He could picture the smug smirk in his mind too.

And so Fubuki found himself hesitantly knocking on the club's door, regretting many of his life choices and seething at the snicker he heard in the back of his mind.

Right when he was considering whether or not he was still in time to run away and never look back, the door opened, and Fubuki internally cursed his other self with such creativity it easily put Atsuya's vocabulary to shame.

The kid that opened the door was taller than him, with dark hair and wrapped in his own green scarf that hid part of his face. With his mind suddenly blank, Fubuki stuttered for a moment and tripped over his own words, to then decide to simply shut his mouth before he could dig himself an even deeper grave, if that was even possible. And the kid only kept staring in silence. He wasn't sure if he was being judged or laughed at. Maybe both.

After an awkward minute or so staring in silence, the unknown kid finally allowed him to enter the room. Fubuki quietly thanked him before stepping in, taking a look around. There were a few more kids inside, some busy with what looked like club business, others chattering between themselves and some preparing for practice. There couldn't be more than seven people in there, Fubuki aside.

Ignoring whatever snarky comment Atsuya was making, Fubuki's attention was drawn to the two kids that interrupted their chat to approach him. The urge to apologize and tell them to forget about him and run away was growing stronger by the minute.

"Hello! I've never seen you before, are you new?" The girl with the fluffy hat spoke first, a warm smile on her face. Realizing that he should probably answer her question, he slowly nodded, then he finally found his voice.

"Yes- I'm Fubuki Shirou, nice to meet you." His introduction was punctuated with a small, polite bow, barely managing to not betray his nerves.

"I'm Matoro Juka, and he's Retsuto, the pleasure is ours!"

"If you need anything just ask." The boy with googles and snow in his hair- Retsuto, continued. Atsuya not so nicely pushed him to go on and ask.

"Well, I... I wanted to join the club, so..." Somehow, that seemed to immediately brighten the mood and catch the attention of everyone else. He blamed that on their lack of members.

"Then welcome to the club, Fubuki-kun!" He blinked, staring for a moment at the girl in confusion.

"Wait- just like that? You don't even know if I can play-"

"Does it matter? If you want to play then you can play." Well, he couldn't really argue with her logic. Behind her, Retsuto coughed into his fist, muttering something that suspiciously sounded like 'not like we can be picky'.

"Alright-" Matoro didn't give him time to say anything else, happily dragging him around to introduce the rest of the club to him before shoving a soccer uniform and a jersey in his arms and ushering him to the lockers. Atsuya was laughing at his dumbfounded reaction, but he didn't bother with it, mind still processing what happened in the span of mere minutes.

As he slowly changed into the uniform and prepared to step into the field once again, Fubuki couldn't help but think that it almost felt right. Like he should belong there, or at least hoped to. Despite that, the dull aching in his heart didn't seem to fade. Atsuya said nothing to that.

Fubuki ended up being a few minutes late to that day's practice, still unsure of even being there. Walking into the field, he didn't waste time and started with some light stretching, hoping his time spent brooding -as Atsuya put it- wouldn't delay their practice.

Everything was quiet until Matoro approached him with a wide grin and a ball in her hands.

"Fubuki-kun! Ready for your test?"

"W-what..."

"We're testing your skills, dummy! You might be in the club now, but we need to know what you can do!" Oh, right. That made sense.

"No shit." He quickly snapped back at Atsuya to tell him to shut up, before remembering that someone was talking to him and it really wasn't a good time to zone out.

"Ok then, how are we going to do this...?"

The rest of the team was quick to gather on the field, four on one side and three on the other, standing with Fubuki. So an improvised match, he could do that.

With the ball now secured under her foot, Matoro flashed him a smile from her side of the field.

"Give it your all, got it?" He nodded, now more serious than before, and he could feel Atsuya getting fired up.

"Come on, let's show them how we play!" Fubuki only hoped he could keep Atsuya under control.

Even putting all his focus into the current match, trying to not think of anything else, it was hard to swallow down the nerves; they trained for hours every day, working hard to find that precarious balance that allowed them to play as one, but in the end it was all practice, there was no telling what would happen playing against other people.

The ball was kicked, and he shoved all those doubts in a corner of his mind. It wasn't the right time to hesitate.

As soon as his eyes fell on the ball, he ran forward, smoothly falling back into old habits. The ball was at his feet before anyone had a chance to blink.

There were a few surprised gasps, but he didn't listen, the goal was close, he just had to pass and- and he looked around and it hit him that he was alone, he couldn't play like that anymore, because his brother wasn't there anymore.

His split second of hesitation was all they needed to take the ball back, and he cursed himself for getting lost like that.

Trying to take his mind off those memories, Fubuki quickly scanned the field in search of the ball, completely throwing himself into the match, trying to think of anything but that. He moved on instinct, rushing towards the kid with the ball. Then, he jumped.

"Ice ground!" His movements were graceful and flawless, ice quickly spreading from his feet and creeping over the unsuspecting Retsuto. Skating past the frozen boy, he calmly caught the falling ball and prepared to go on. The deadly silence that fell on the field didn't seem to bother him, that or he was still too distraught to notice.

No one moved to stop him from once again running towards the goal. Once he had gotten close enough, Fubuki took a deep breath and touched his scarf.

Atsuya grinned back, a predatory grin that sent shivers down the goalkeeper's spine.

"Eternal blizzard." If the previous hissatsu left them dazed and in awe, this shot completely took their breath away. Ice crept on the ground covered by the shot, beautiful and deadly patterns carved into it, snowflakes dancing in the wind as the air around them grew colder and colder. Nobody blamed the keeper when his panic and fear pushed him to dodge the ball, watching with wide eyes as it froze the net in a sculpture of solid ice.

Fubuki quietly observed the result of Atsuya's hissatsu when suddenly he was swarmed by the team, a mix of awe and sheer shock in their far too loud voices as they started asking -almost yelling- too many questions to even tell them apart. Turns out, none of them had ever seen someone use a hissatsu in front of them before. Finding out that their new member could use not only one, but two amazing and powerful hissatsus? It was just mind-blowing.

Now, Fubuki wasn't one that lived for the attention and praise, but he couldn't help the tiny bit of pride he felt seeing everyone so excited over his skills, an equally tiny smile making its way on his lips. Then, he remembered that no amount of praise and skill helped fill the aching void in his heart, that he'd have to get used to playing alone, to looking around the field and not finding the familiar grin of his brother waiting for the ball. His smile felt a bit more forced.

When practice ended, he bid everyone a soft farewell and quickly left before anyone could try to stop him, his initially aimless walk slowly leading him to the northern ridge.

Atsuya didn't comment on any of it, simply offering a few awkward words of comfort. It wasn't enough, and it didn't help to make him feel any less lonely and hurt, but it was better than nothing. He appreciated it.

* * *

 

As much as they all loved soccer enough to keep going even with such a small club, sometimes doing something different was very much needed. Some preferred to relax and read a book, others choose to play something else or just laze around. Retsuto liked to ice skate.

Without practice to attend to, he didn't hesitate to fetch his skates and rush to the frozen lake he knew was going to be near empty. Soccer might fill him with excitement and competitive spirit, but it wasn't quite the same as the freedom that simply skating on ice, sliding as fast as possible could offer.

When he was near the lake, he didn't expect anyone to be there, the thick forest hiding it from sight and the afternoon still too young for any other kid to be coming outside to play. It did however, surprise him to find Fubuki of all the people in there, looking completely at home on the ice. In hindsight, Retsuto quickly realized it shouldn't surprise him so much after having seen his defensive hissatsu.

"Hey, Fubuki-kun!" The kid in question almost tripped in his surprise, barely managing to keep his balance. "S-sorry..." He flashed a sheepish smile as Fubuki approached him. At least he didn't seem to bothered by his near fall.

"It's alright, I didn't think anyone would be here. You like to skate too?"

"Yup! Been doing it since I was a kid! What about you?"

"Me too, I... I've always liked this kind of sports." There was an odd hesitance in his voice for a moment.

"Then what do you say we come and skate together some times?" Fubuki blinked, almost as if he wasn't actually expecting that invitation. Then, there was a soft smile on his face and he nodded.

"Sounds fun! I wouldn't mind that."

"Alright then! Just give me a second and I'll join you!" And with that, Retsuto quickly sat down on the nearest rock to pull on his skates.

When he said goodbye to his friend and was on his way back, Fubuki felt better. Happier, at least for a little while.

* * *

 

"So, what position do you want to play?" Fubuki put down the bottle and turned to face Matoro, a questioning look on his face. "You can't tell me you haven't thought of it before- come on, which position do you want?"

"Oh..." Truth to be told, he had completely forgotten about that, far too used to his position as defender. How were they supposed to play now? "I'm not sure honestly..." Not entirely the truth; he knew he himself wanted to keep playing as defender, but he and Atsuya had worked too hard on Eternal Blizzard to just give up on all that.

"Oh, right- you have the skills and hissatsus to play both as defender and forward..." At least Matoro had caught on part of his struggle.

"Why not both then?" Retsuto decided to chime in after a while.

"Both...? Could that really work?" Despite his doubts, Fubuki couldn't deny that the idea didn't sound too bad, at least in theory.

"Mmmh... Maybe we can make it work with some training." She seemed to be seriously considering it too. "That could be an amazing strategy! Just imagine someone thinking you're just another defender and then not knowing what to do when you go as a forward! They'll be so lost! And you can be our ace striker too!" She sure seemed excited just thinking about it. Maybe a bit too excited.

"L-let's not get ahead of ourselves..." He let out a small, nervous laugh, trying to placate her excitement. He really wasn't sure how to feel about this- by the way Matoro was talking it sounded like she wanted their strategy to be focused on him. Was he ready for that kind of pressure? To have an entire team depending on him to win? "We don't even know if it'll work yet-"

"Then we'll train first!" She pouted, very determined to at least try. Looks like there was no way to talk her out of this.

"Alright... but if it doesn't work let's just drop it, ok?"

"Deal!"

It took a bit more time than he would've liked, and he almost considered telling them to give up on that crazy tactic before Atsuya pestered him into continuing, but somehow they all made it work enough to consider it a worthy strategy. It would take far more training to make it work against a real team, but it could definitely work.

* * *

 

"Mh?" Putting down the last of the balls she was collecting, Matoro got closer to the bag forgotten on the bench. Retsuto looked up from the checklist of chores once he heard her gasp, concerned and admittedly slightly curious.

"What's wrong?" Matoro almost shoved the now open bag in his face, a notebook in her hand showing the neatly written name of the owner.

"Fubuki-kun forgot his bag!" Apparently it was a pretty serious issue to her.

"It's not a big deal... We can just bring it to him before going home, right?"

"Right! ... Where does he live then?"

A beat of silence. They quickly realized that they actually had no idea of where exactly Fubuki lived. A quick check through their phones revealed that neither did the rest of the club, nor did they have Fubuki's number to call him and ask. That might be a problem.

It was a bit unsettling to realize how little they actually knew about their friend.

Unwilling to give up so easily, their search for information started- or at least Matoro's search, Retsuto was just dragged along. Luckily, it only took asking a few teachers to get an address, Matoro already celebrating their success on their way there, while Retsuto made sure she didn't lose anything on the way.

It didn't feel so great anymore once they found themselves standing in front of an orphanage's door, an uncomfortable and heavy silence lingering between them. Even Matoro's ever present smile faltered, silently hoping to have the wrong address.

With a harsh swallow and trembling hands, Retsuto gathered the courage to ring the bell, unwilling to stay there longer than necessary after this kind of discovery. A few moments later, a kind woman opened the door, a look of confusion lingering on her face until her eyes fell on the bag.

"Oh- are you Shirou's friends?" Well, that confirmed their doubts. It left a bitter taste in their mouths.

"Um, y-yes... he forgot his bag when he left after practice, so..." Matoro awkwardly held out the bag for her to take, not knowing what else to say because really, could they even strike up a conversation in that situation? After just finding out that their new friend is an orphan?

Something in the woman's gaze softened as she reached out to take the bag.

"So he finally joined a club... let me guess, soccer?"

Matoro slowly nodded, and the woman's smile grew sadder at the thought. They weren't so sure if they wanted to know why.

"I'm sorry... anyways, Shirou isn't back yet, you can come in and wait for him if you'd like."

"I-it's alright, our parents are waiting for us!" Retsuto was quick to come up with an excuse, and Matoro was grateful for it. "Maybe another day?"

"It's ok, feel free to come by any time, I'm sure it would make Shirou happy."

Even with most of the puzzle's pieces missing, this explained an awful lot about Fubuki, about his not quite genuine smiles and how they always looked like they were hiding a heavy burden.

After a quick goodbye, they excused themselves and left. The walk back to their homes was quiet.

* * *

 

The next day, Fubuki was almost hesitant to join the rest of the club, clutching the strip of his bag with shaking hands. It only took one mistake, one stupid mistake and they already knew more than he was willing to tell. How much more would it take before they found out about everything else, before they rejected him, treated him like a freak?

"Calm down before you start hyperventilating." Atsuya wouldn't admit it, but Fubuki could easily find the concern in his voice. It was reassuring, knowing he wasn't completely alone. It took him a minute or so to calm down and breathe, another one to steel himself and open the door.

"Hi..." He almost turned and left when the uncomfortable silence fell on the room and the eyes were on him. It took all of his will power to enter the room and act like nothing happened, quickly heading towards the locker to get changed.

He didn't notice the worried glance Retsuto and Matoro exchanged behind his back.

"Hey, Atsuya..."

"What?"

"Can you take over for today's practice?" In another situation, Atsuya would've been overjoyed, always eager to get the chance to play and show off. Now, however, he wasn't so sure about it.

"You sure about that?" Fubuki softly hummed in answer as he put on his shoes.

"... They'll start asking if they see me, but if it's you they might decide to drop it." They both knew very well that Fubuki was too kind to tell them to drop the sore topic, even when he still wasn't comfortable talking about it.

"Alright..." He almost dreaded having to take Fubuki's place like that. This was so not going to end well.

Just like Atsuya expected, there were varying degrees of concern and alarm when he showed up for practice instead of their friend, his best attempts to change his frown into something nicer to clear them of suspicion failing miserably. Not like the sudden change of playstyle helped either, even with his best attempts to look like Shirou's it was far too rough to trick anyone. This was just getting worse by the minute.

"Fubuki-kun... are you ok?"

"What th- of course, why do you even ask?" Matoro flinched just a little at his suddenly harsh tone, and he could already feel his own guilt and Fubuki's disappointment. Really, this was a terrible idea. "Just- forget about it, alright? I'm fine, don't worry."

"Are you sure you... never mind..." She quickly left him alone, and Atsuya was promptly tempted to kick himself, for his horribly lacking social skills and for being so damn stupid. Fubuki could deal with this kind of disasters himself from now on.

* * *

 

"Hey, didn't Fubuki-kun seem... weird today?"

"Now that you mention it, he was more aggressive than usual..."

The two kids couldn't quite shake off the feeling that something was wrong with Fubuki, his attitude during practice an unsettling contrast to his usual demeanor. No matter how much they thought it over or talked about it, however, they couldn't find a decent enough way to ask Fubuki himself, ultimately deciding to chalk it up to a bad day and leaving it at that, even when they still weren't sure they wanted to just drop the matter and leave Fubuki alone with whatever problem he had. The list of concerning things they found out about Fubuki was growing at an alarming rate.

* * *

 

When Fubuki didn't walk out of the locker room as quickly as he usually did, the first red flag was raised. When Retsuto walked into the room to find Fubuki frantically looking through his stuff, for once uncaring about the mess he was making in the process, the second red flag followed. The third and final red flag was raised when he noticed the lack of a fluffy scarf around his neck. It wasn't hard to connect the dots.

"Hey, Fubuki-kun?"

"Sorry, I just- I can't find... my scarf, that's all. I left it on the bench for a moment and..." He rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile and an embarrassed laugh, all a bit too forced to feel completely natural. "I know it sounds silly, but..." He trailed off, unsure of what to say to explain himself.

"Don't worry- it's important for you, right? I'll help you look for it!" Without waiting for an answer, Retsuto was already going through everything in the room in search of the missing scarf. Even with the distress of his current situation, Fubuki can't help the ghost of a smile on his face.

"Thank you..."

In the end, it didn't matter how long they spent looking for the scarf, it was like it had simply vanished, disappeared into thin air like it never was there in the first place. With each minute that passed without a trace of it, Fubuki's mood seemed to drop lower and lower until all that was left was a lost, grieving look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry..." Even when Fubuki forced a little smile, Retsuto couldn't help but feel worse than before.

"It's ok, it's not like it was your fault- I should have been more careful..." He looked too distraught to really try to brush it off as nothing important.

While gathering the rest of his things, Fubuki told Retsuto to wait outside if he wanted, saying he wouldn't take too long now. A bit reluctantly, he nodded and walked out of the locker room, immediately finding himself face to face with a very concerned Matoro demanding explanations. He readily obliged, hoping she could help with their current dilemma.

Turns out, Matoro didn't see the scarf anywhere near the soccer field or club room. She did see someone hurriedly walking away with something that looked an awful lot like the missing scarf, although whoever it was, they were too far away to be sure.

Fubuki's face darkened as soon as he heard that. It was frightening to see his calm demeanor shatter so quickly, to watch him pick up a ball and walk away so quietly he looked like he was planning a murder. They didn't think twice before following him, starting to fear that an intervention would be needed.

Roughly an hour of asking and searching later, they found out the culprit.

Unfortunately, even the best schools weren't free from bullies and harassment. Hakuren was no exception.

The group of high school students was obnoxiously laughing, one of them twirling a familiar scarf in his hand, showing it off like some sort of trophy. If Fubuki was angry before, he was positively furious now.

"Guys, stay back, alright? Don't worry about me." They only took a step back, refusing to leave Fubuki alone in this despite their unwillingness to face the teenagers. Fubuki only got closer, unfazed by the possible anger, his eyes never leaving the scarf.

"That's mine." It sounded like a casual remark, but Retsuto and Matoro knew better, they could find the wisps of anger hidden in his usually kind voice. Not like the teens cared, they were clearly enjoying it.

The guy was saying something, shitty grin still plastered on his face as he waved the scarf in his face, but Fubuki wasn't listening, his eyes glued to the soft fabric dangling from his hands. Retsuto and Matoro were the only ones to notice how his usually gentle eyes hardened like polished steel. He took a step forward, getting closer to the unsuspecting teen, easily managing to look terrifying and intimidating even when the entire group was at least a head taller than him.

"Give it back. Now." The edge in his voice was threatening enough on its own.

Fubuki could hear Atsuya trying to calm him down, telling him to stand back and let him deal with the assholes. He didn't care.

"Or what? You gonna call your mo-" It was all it took to make him see red. A swift and fierce knee to the gut was all it took to take the bastard down and crawling on the floor.  When the others quickly went from amused to angry, Fubuki didn't hesitate to kick the ball at them with nearly the same strength he'd use for a hissatsu shot. He might be usually the one trying to stay out of unnecessary fights and coaxing Atsuya out of them, but now? They went too far.

Ignoring the guys coughing and groaning in pain, Fubuki knelt down to pick up the scarf, a somber, almost deadly look in his eyes as he shook the dirt off it.

"Don't you dare touch this ever again." He pinned them down with a glare, so cold and merciless it rivaled a furious wolf, not caring when he heard them whimper on the ground. With that taken care of, he carefully wrapped the scarf around his neck.

The air almost felt lighter and warmer, his gentle smile back on his face like it never left. All the two kids could do was stare in awe and slight fear while it all happened, almost struggling to believe this was the same Fubuki they knew.

"They started it." His smile never changed, still as soft as always, yet it felt more like a threat for a moment.

At the back of his mind, Atsuya was cackling.

After a few minutes, Fubuki had the mind to apologize to them for the scene he caused. They just brushed it off and said it was nothing, as if it really wasn't such a big deal that he so easily knocked out someone a few years older than him with only a knee to the guts, all to take back the scarf he seemed to treasure above all else.

They made a mental note to never piss off Fubuki or mess with his scarf.

Fubuki made a mental note to *never* leave the scarf out of his sight again. Atsuya agreed to remind him, despite how much he would've liked to see him knock out someone like that again.

* * *

 

"Hey, Fubuki-kun..."

"Mh?"

"How did you even do that- you took down a bunch of older kids like they were nothing!"

"Oh, you guys don't know about it- well, I kind of fight the old man in the mountains? He gets in the way sometimes when I go snowboarding so... it just kind of happens." A sheepish chuckle, like it was just a little embarrassing habit. He didn't notice how they were growing paler with each word. "Anyways, after fighting a bear they really weren't a big deal."

They didn't say anything else, still taken aback by the sudden revelation. Fubuki just shrugged and kept walking.

* * *

 

The worst of the winter had finally arrived. With the layer of snow covering their field too thick to quickly clean up and get started, the team settled for the more reasonable course of action: they went outside to play in the snow.

Most of the team was happy to start a snowball fight, others quietly keeping to themselves and building snowmen. Fubuki preferred to sit far away from the chaos and watch in silence.

"Fubuki-kun!" He blinked, only realizing he was zoning out when he found Matoro standing in front of him. "Don't you want to join us? You look..." Lonely was the word she wanted to say, hanging unspoken in the air.

"Sorry, I don't really feel like it today." He smiled at her, yet it didn't reach his eyes, the melancholy in them still painfully clear. Her smile faltered a bit.

"Are you sure...?" A soft nod. The sorrowful smile was still there.

"Don't worry about me- wouldn't want to ruin your fun." She still looked unsure, but left to go back with the team after a bit of hesitation. Somehow, the conversation left a bitter taste in his mouth, like he still managed to screw up despite his best efforts to not worry anyone.

He left earlier that day. It had been a while since he last visited that place.

* * *

 

That day's practice was going as usual, freshly fallen snow covering the field aside. The ground was slippery and more than one time most of them tripped and fell- except Fubuki. He looked completely at ease in his element, moving with the same grace he skated on ice. Not like any of them was surprised.

It was going well until someone tripped and ended up sprawled on the floor, the ball hitting a tree nearby, big chunks of snow falling off its branches.

"I guess it's time for a break..." Retsuto sighed as he watched Kitami help the poor kid get back to his feet. Apparently it wasn't such a good idea to practice on the field without getting rid of the snow first.

"Is everyone... Fubuki-kun?" He trailed off when his eyes found his friend. Fubuki looked awful, curled up on himself, eyes wide and shaking. "Fubuki-kun? Are you ok?" Fubuki didn't react, too lost inside his own mind to hear his own name. He didn't even seem to be listening to them anymore.

The team had quickly gathered around their teammate, torn between getting closer to check on him and giving him space to breathe. Retsuto had been the first to approach him, slowly and hesitantly like trying to calm down a startled animal. As gently as possible, he knelt down at his side and put a hand on Fubuki's shoulder, trying to snap him out of whatever had trapped him inside his mind.

"W-what..." Everyone finally breathed a sigh of relief when Fubuki blinked and looked around, confused and lost, but not so scared anymore.

"Are you ok? You were really out of it for a moment there." Fubuki was quiet, as if still trying to remember where he was and whether it was safe. He slowly looked up, almost scared to do so and quietly nodded, taking his time to stand up and regain what little composure he could find.

"S-sorry... I'll be fine..." He took a shuddering breath, hiding into his scarf as if he could blame his tremors on the cold. There were no questions, at least not yet, and he was silently grateful for it. He really wasn't sure he'd be able to keep himself from breaking if anyone asked right there and then.

"Alright- we should call it a day before anyone freezes out here." A few murmurs of agreement with her and they quickly moved to help Matoro pick up the balls and clean up, eager to get out of the cold before it could get worse. If they saw Fubuki slip up and take a bit longer to finish, they didn't point it out, quietly helping him pick everything up.

No one said anything when they noticed Fubuki being more skittish than usual, and when he quietly left before anyone else, they didn't try to stop him.

* * *

 

It all started with a bad match.

No one blamed Fubuki for their defeat, not when he had tried his best to keep up with the entire opponent team on his own when no one else could. That didn't seem to be enough to improve his sour mood though, snarling and lashing out at anyone that tried to approach him, uncharacteristically aggressive.

When he felt everyone's eyes on him, he couldn't take it anymore, rushing out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him, the team flinching as they looked at him retreat, powerless to help him.

No one wanted to admit it, but their friend's reaction... it was almost scary.

"Should we... should we do something...?" For once, the smile fell off Matoro's lips, staring at the door and torn between staying still or following him. No one answered right away, uneasy just remembering Fubuki's reaction.

"Maybe we should give him some time to blow off some steam..." Retsuto didn't sound convinced at all, but there weren't any better ideas. "I-I'm sure he'll come back later!"

The afternoon passed far too quietly for anyone's liking, no sign of their striker to be found. It was unsettling to not even know where he went.

Matoro was the first to stand up and head for the door.

"I'm gonna look for him."

The rest of the team soon followed.

* * *

 

Ever since he left the room hours ago boiling in his own anger, Atsuya did the only thing he could think of. He headed to the field and started kicking ball after with all his strength.

Each shoot was dripping with his anger, with Shirou's frustration, with their powerlessness. It didn't matter how many times the ball landed in the goal, it didn't matter if he kicked so many balls his foot went numb and started bleeding, those feeling he- they hated wouldn't go away, taunting them and dragging them down.

"Damn it!" Shards of ice scattered in the air, snowflakes dancing wildly in the wind surrounding him and frost clinging to the net where the ball landed. The cold of the winter was starting to creep into his very soul.

He was about to kick another ball, ignoring the way his limbs were growing numb from the cold, when someone shouted Shirou's name. The team was on the stairs, quickly approaching, the same worry present in all of their faces and voices.

He didn't want their pity.

"Leave us alone already! We don't need your worry!"

"A-Atsuya, stop-!"

Fubuki froze, eyes wide as he realized their mistake. It was too late.

Looking at the shocked and almost scared expressions of his teammates- of his friends, Fubuki did the only thing his panicked mind could suggest. He ran. He ran out of the field, not even daring to look back when he heard them shouting his name and asking him to come back, not stopping even when Atsuya tried to snap him out of his panic and get him to calm down. He just kept running until he was out of the school grounds, his aimless escape taking him to the familiar snowy fields of the northen ridge.

When his legs gave up under him and his lungs felt like they were on fire and screaming at him to breathe, Fubuki finally stopped, almost collapsing on the snow, relishing in the cold and hoping it could be enough to numb everything, to numb his mind and the ache in his limbs and heart. When the cold was starting to bite into his skin, he quietly dragged himself against the closest tree, slowly sitting with his back against the dry bark, hiding every bit he could of his face into the soft fabric of the scarf, hiding from the cold and from the world, turning to those memories that made him smile and ache altogether.

He missed them. His parents, that happier childhood, Atsuya. He missed all of them.

He was so tired.

* * *

 

He didn't know how much time he spent there, alone and freezing in the snow. Fubuki vaguely heard someone screaming something, yet he couldn't bring himself to care, still fiercely tuning out the world he didn't want to deal with. He only snapped out of his daze when something warm was gently draped over his shoulders and the snow -how long had he been sitting there?- was brushed off him. Hesitantly looking up, he stiffened at the sight of his teammates circling him, all of them wearing the same concerned expression. For a split second, he glanced around, almost like looking for an escape route, but he was too cold and tired to even try to run again.

"Hey, it's ok! Don't be scared, Fubuki-kun." Matoro knelt in front of him, gently placing both hands on his shoulders. He flinched and stiffened, guilt squirming inside him as he tried to avoid her gaze.

"S-sorry... I-I-" A sneezing fit cut him off mid sentence, and now he realized how stupid his panic induced escape had been. He probably deserved the oncoming cold.

"I said it's fine, so don't worry about it, ok?" Then, they were helping him back on his feet, his hands quickly reaching to hold the warm blanket closer to his body, friendly arms reaching out to keep him on his feet when his numb legs almost gave up. "Come on, let's go back, it's way too cold here. We can all calm down, get some hot cocoa and talk about this without freezing, alright?"

"... They deserve the truth by now, you know?" Fubuki grimaced, knowing too well that Atsuya was right. "Come on, I'll help you explain if you need it, and if anyone has a problem with us you know already I'll beat em up."

With a soft sigh, he hesitantly nodded, and everyone started walking back to the school, making sure he would stay as warm as possible to not become a popsicle by the time they got there. Despite the little warm the blanket provided, he could feel his heart grow cold, dreading the conversation about to come. It didn't matter how much he delayed it, he would never feel prepared to talk about it, about his past and his problems.

This wouldn't be pretty.

Once everyone was sitting comfortably in the club room, they were looking at Fubuki for answers. He forced himself to take a deep breath. There was no turning back anymore.

"I... I used to have a brother... his name was Atsuya..." Slowly, he started explaining everything, from the way they used to play everything together to how they became such a great soccer duo. The tiny smile that he mustered up at those memories quickly vanished when he started talking about the incident. No one dared to speak up, just letting him talk until he was done, and he wasn't sure whether or not he liked it. By the end of it, he didn't dare to look at anyone in the eyes, his head hanging low and his grip on his scarf tight enough to hurt.

The silence was becoming unbearable. He could already feel the tears burning in his eyes, threatening to fall and to break him apart. Reliving that day in his nightmares was already bad enough, but talking about it once again drained him completely.

"Please... can you... can you take over now..." He didn't even realize he said it out loud, a low and shaky whisper that everyone heard clearly. Before anyone could ask what he meant, there was a shift in the air around him, so sudden they couldn't even blink. His eyes grew sharper, carefully looking at each of them as if trying to assess whether or not they could pose a danger. No one dared to breathe until he seemed to relax.

"Alright, what do you want now?" When time passed and no one said anything, still trying to process everything they just learned, he huffed in annoyance and crossed his arms, to then subtly try to pull the blanket closer to his body. Not even the bear killer was immune from the cold. "Come on, just ask- I don't bite."

"You... you're not Fubuki-kun, right...?"

"No shit, what gave it away?" The sarcasm dripping off his voice was already enough to tell that this definitely wasn't their gentle friend. "Ugh, sorry... Shirou doesn't like it when I'm rude."

"It's alright...?" The glare he gave her was enough to tell he didn't believe her.

"Wait..." Retsuto went quiet for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts and find the right words. "... Are you the forward?"

"Yup, that's me." He sounded pretty proud of it too. "We've been training since Shirou was dismissed from the hospital, he gets to steal the ball and I score. Pretty great, isn't it? We work pretty well together." No one could really deny that.

Hesitantly, they started asking just about anything that came to their minds, the tension in the air slowly fading as the conversation went on. Atsuya tried to answer everything, but didn't hesitate to snap at anyone with a question he didn't like or Fubuki was uncomfortable with, and the team quickly learned what could be freely talked about and what was off limits. Eventually, Fubuki started chiming in as well, either answering something Atsuya didn't know about or keeping him from snapping at someone. Seeing their friend more at ease after what happened that same day was relieving, to say the least.

* * *

 

After finding out about Atsuya, Fubuki expected the worst, to be shunned and isolated.

Things did change, but it was far from what he expected.

Whenever he walked into the club room before practice, they greeted both him and Atsuya without missing a beat, completely unfazed when Atsuya greeted them back. They tried their best to remember all their little habits and quirks to tell them apart, to use the right name and not get them mixed up anymore- but they also watched their words around those who didn't know, careful to not spill Fubuki's secret if he didn't want them to. They didn't give him weird looks if he slipped up and talked to Atsuya out loud, and he didn't feel so on edge anymore around them, always wary of what he said and fearing the tiniest mistake. Even knowing about Fubuki's past and fears, they didn't treat him like he was made of glass and about to break at any second, yet they still watched out for him, ready at his side to ground him when he lost himself in a flashback.

It was nice, having people he could trust, call friends and rely upon, people who Atsuya could talk to and who could make him feel less isolated. It didn't quite help to vanish all the aching loneliness in his heart, but it did soothe the pain. It was more than anything he could ask for.

* * *

 

"Hello, Fubuki-kun! Atsuya-kun!" Matoro was the first to bounce off the table she was sitting on to greet them, more cheerful than usual.

"Good morning- Atsuya says hello too." When he looked around the room, Fubuki knew already something was going on, there was something different in the air. "Did something happen...?" Matoro happily clapped her hands together, as if ready to make a big announcement.

"Well... we have something very, very, veeeery important we want to ask you." He wasn't sure he liked the sound of it. Atsuya agreed.

"And what is it...?"

"We all talked about it, and... we'd like you to be our captain." *Oh*. Fubuki glanced around the room, eyes wide and trying to find anyone snickering or any hint that this was some sort of prank. They couldn't be possibly asking him of all the people, could they...? They all looked completely serious and Retsuto was already next to her and offering him the captain band. They really wanted him to become their captain.

"M-me-? But I..."

"We wouldn't ask you this if we didn't think you'd be a great captain." Matoro's smile grew gentler.

"You're really strong both as defender and forward- stronger than any of us."

"And you help us a lot with our practice even if we're not at your level."

"And you always think of great tactics to make us win!"

With everyone so eagerly agreeing and thinking so highly of him, Fubuki was speechless.

"Come on, don't leave them hanging like that and say yes already."

"Alright..." He couldn't really refuse when even Atsuya thought he could do it, right? "If you guys think I'm good enough for it then I'll have to try my best. I hope I won't disappoint you!"

When Hakuren won their next friendly match with a crushing 5-0, they couldn't have felt any prouder of their captain. Looking at their faces filled with pure joy as they celebrated while Atsuya teased and bragged, Fubuki could hardly keep himself from smiling.

This was his team, his friends. He would do anything for this little weird group that was slowly becoming something akin to a family.

Maybe there really wasn't anything to worry about after all.


End file.
